Wishing Well.

THIS BLOG MAY BE TRIGGERING in no way am I trying to glorify self harm

Hi, This is my blog expressing my experience with self harm.

ask me things

Anonymous said: I'm trying since more than a year to stay clean from cutting but the longest time was one month. It's to hard for me. What can I or what did you do when you want to self harm again?

sorry for rambling 

the first few months are definitely superhard
literally driving you crazy 

I was extremely emotional and had a very short fuse and was very irritable
for months I would punch myself and smash my head into walls and doors 
I would whack myself with rulers or drumsticks 

this lasted probably over a year 

I still get the urge to hit myself when ever something makes me angry but not so much or I can control it

I spent so many nights just sitting on the lounge on my laptop watching movies, just trying to do anything else to keep my mind off it 
even though I would constantly have it on my mind
and trying not to get up and go anywhere where I would get my razors 

sometimes I would just sit with the box I keep them in 
(I would never cut with these because theyre all old and blunt and covered in dried up blood)

What worked for me is, I would snap and try and cut and then I just pretended it didnt happen 
like if I did one relatively shallow cut or lots of little scratches 
I wouldnt count it as a relapse, because that would probably make me want to just give up 
you obviously cant be doing this every month and say youre clean 

but we make mistakes 
dont let a time you gave in get you down, you were desperate
it doesnt have to mean you failed and relapsed 

you dont even need to start counting from 0 
youre probably more likely to keep cutting if youre a week clean rather than months clean 

Im not saying this will work for you 
its just what I did 

Anonymous said: Seeing your pictures makes me wanting to cut again

well thats uncomfortable, all the pictures you can see are over 2 years old 
you cant really blame me for this 
unless you follow me and my post last night made you come onto my blog

if you do follow me, unfollow me. I doubt I will be posting any photos anyway

or if someone you follow reblogged my picture, I suggest you unfollow them, or anon them and tell them that content triggers you
where theyre most likely to say unfollow me

Anonymous said: why dont you start posting things about your daily life? Im sure everyone is wondering what has been happening to you.

I have no idea when I received this message
I want to say Im sorry I never got back to you

Im sure posts about my daily life would be incredibly boring as I never do anything~ haha

so this is a post to let anyone that cares know what Ive been up too

Im still not working or studying
I recently turned 20 

I had been cutting the whole time I was ‘clean’ but it wasnt often and never anything significant enough for me to personally feel like it counted
(I found it better for my mental health that if the cut wasnt to my standards it didnt count because once I broke that streak I thought I would just spiral down again)

I dont think this year has been as bad with the self harm urges at it has previous years
but Ive felt more suicidal 

I did do a quite deep cut on my thigh and went to the E.R to get stitches around Jan 10th?
so I was almost 2 years ‘clean’

not long after that, I went to the doctors and got prescribed anti depressants and a referral to a psychologist
I stayed on the pills for a few months but stopped taking them 
Ill probably start taking a different kind soon

so hopefully things will work out a bit better and Ill be able to be a functioning member of society 

I hope youre all doing well 

-Amber

Anonymous said: Why did your blog get taken away??

I used to have lots of self harm photos from mid 2011-early 2012
and I assume someone reported me to staff and they suspended my account
but because I havent posted anything for the last year but photos of my scars showing how far Im coming with recovery 
they gave me my account back and told me to remove any content that glorifies self harm and not to post or reblog anything that does

so in tumblrs eyes all pictures of self harm is ‘glorifying’
so I have to remove all the images  

FOR TUMBLR STAFF

sorry to bug my followers.

staff, if you come back on my blog to check if I deleted everything and I havent yet

Im working on it and i think ive deleted most it
im going to delete all of it

Hey everyone
my blog got suspended but I messaged support and they allowed me to have it back 
I have to delete all of my images

I wish you all the best
you can message me if you need anything
or someone to talk to 


Anonymous said: Hey. I just want to congrat you on your one year clean. I used to came here everyday just to see if you were getting better and it gave me hope to try to be clean too. Now I'm seven months clean and I want to thank you. Hope you keep going. One, two, three years and more. I'll do my best and I'm hoping you're doing too. <3

wow thank you so much!
congratulations on seven months
I dont know what to say but thank you a lot
I hope you can keep going too

One year clean.

Anonymous said: You're my inspiration to stay clean, seeing how strong you are to stay clean for so long means a lot. You're an amazing person.

oh wow I didn’t think it would mean this much to anyone
good luck on your recovery 
thank you <3 

Anonymous said: I stopped cutting the same day as you. And I'm still cut free. HORRAH FOR US!!! <3

wooooooooo!!! everyone should throw us a party 
have a mutual stop cutting day hug (> ”)>  

also congratulations!